Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Churches: Clean Up Your Act

Ok, I’ll admit it. We haven’t been to church in a while, not since we picked up our precious angel from the nursery with a red mark on her head the size of a quarter. No, it was tough enough to get all three of us out of bed brushed, curled, dressed, and saintly; but when you add filthy nurseries full of the worst cold germs imaginable and kids who learned to hit each other and curse in daycare at the age of two, staying in bed doesn’t seem like too far away from what God's plan might be for our Sunday. It certainly was a lot easier to be "saintly" to each other with a little more sleep. SERIOUSLY! We bade goodbye and God bless to that congregation. The adults were enjoying the services, but we are parents. Baby first.

The last time we attended church was this past Easter Sunday. We just felt like the little one was getting to an age when it might be nice to get back into the whole “church thing.” We selected a late service at a church less than 5 minutes away to give us the absolute best chance of actually arriving on time. I got up two hours early, and made my McDonald’s breakfast request in writing 24-hours in advance. I started trying on and picking out appropriate Easter Sunday attire the night before for every Irick under my roof. I had everything covered. Success!!! We were only 10 minutes late, and we DID look spiffy! We dropped our angel off in the nursery while Daddy parked the car, and everything seemed perfect…but there was a demon lurking…It began with a tiny little thing. A thing that almost seemed cute at first: a runny nose…

One week later…three out of three Iricks who were initially blessed by the music, the friendliness, and the uplifting Easter message at the unnamed church have also been blessed with terrible head colds, sleepless nights, days of thrusting a bulb syringe and/or saline drops up a toddler’s nose so she can scream at this horrible torture, and at least another ten (estimated) days of three runny noses and about a barrel of used lotion Kleenex to haul out to the garbage. Thanks a lot! I do not have time for this. Send sick kids back to their parents, and invest in some Clorox wipes. Clean up your act. Unless you churches plan to put a little common sense into your nursery planning and maintenance, you can expect us to stay at home for at least another year. Thanks, anyway. God bless!